I'm Tired

What makes a man a man? When does a man becomes the man he is to be? When does he become that person who will make an impact on the world. When does he have the experience that molds him into that man? Or is it that he is having that experience all throughout his life?



All of these questions are perplexing to me. Am I having an impact on the world? Does anyone even give a damn? Well, I do give a damn and that is the problem. My way of loving and giving to the world means nothing to anyone and no one cares that I do it. Does that mean I continue to give or do I just change the way I give and just get 'mine'.

That's All I Got!!!
I'm Out!!
44Black

Life and Pain

It saddens and angers me to watch someone suffer at the hands of another. Especially someone close to me who has lived through, as a child, horrible decisions that the adults around them have made. Adults have the responsibility to shape the lives of their children in a positive manner. Problem is, some of them are either insane or just don't care. I've watched as my friend continues to suffer as an adult from bizarre decisions that were made when she was a kid.

I wish I could fix it for her and others. Some of us, me included, start out in this world with less than optimal situations and the residual affect sticks with us unless we do something about it. My friend is trying as am I but I hate to see the pain and angst she has as she moves to change what she sees in the mirror. It's weird but that mirror can fool you. You project an image that others see yet that image is different when you look at your self in the mirror. The difficult task is making the two match.

That's All I Got!
I'm Out!
44Black

The Death of America's Kids

More and more kids continue to day in the streets of America with a great number of them dying right here at home in Chicago. I am troubled by the death of our children. Usually over nothing or something so trivial you could not imagine someone losing their life over it.

Last week, an honor student was beat to death by a group of kids with a railroad tie and it was caught on tape. The no snitching rule was in full effect. No one would talk to authorities. At least the video allowed for arrests. The no snitching rule was meant for the part of the streets that police themselves, in other words, gangster on gangster. The rule was not meant for the death of innocents, which are kids just trying to get back and forth to school.

This week in Florida 4 kids set another kid on fire over a bike!?!?!?!? I truly don't understand the mentality that would allow anyone to set someone on fire. The four kids had tried to steal the bike from the kid (the bike actually belonged to his father) and the kid told on the four kids. So they set him on fire as retaliation. Absolutely Crazy!!

I am troubled because I care and I am confused as to what to do. Is it not my job or my responsibility because I live outside of the areas most affected by this plight? Some would say, most say actually, based on their lack of action that it is not their job. I say that it is all of our jobs. In fact, even those that live in the neighborhoods have shown they don't care.

So how do I help? I volunteer coach and mentor kids but the kids I work with don't really need it or at least they think they don't.

I've thought of creating some type of mentoring program but that does not keep the streets from reaching out to kill kids on the way to school. How do you make sure every kid has safe passage to school? Is it even possible? The bigger questions are 'How do you get people to care?' and 'How do you get kids to value their own and others lives?' and 'How do we create an an environment that kids think and actually have opportunities to make something of their lives?'

I don't have answers to these questions and I feel guilty that I don't. All I know is my guilt grows with every death. Our country pours money out to every country in the world to help them with their problems. When are we truly going to address our own problems. I guess we won't until we can have a truly open and honest conversation regarding race. Just like the health care debate. I will let you know when I figure out what my actions may be.

That's All I Got!
I'm Out!
44Black

Marriage Counseling Conspiracy

I don't think I have ever really been a conspiracy theorist but something smells funny around these parts.

If you have been reading this blog then you know that I have been attending marriage counseling the last few weeks. You also know that our counselor has the ability to find this blog thanks to my lovely better half so I guess I must be somewhat gentle in these counseling related posts so that my 'anger' is not overly psychoanalyzed. I don't want to be profiled as the 'angry black man.'

Just as a side note marriage counseling provides my wife with this checklist. If I don't do something that is on her checklist then she just says, "We need to talk to the counselor about this." About what? since when is counseling supposed to be about leverage.......I ain't scared. OK, I decided not to brush my teeth today. Does that mean we have to talk about it in counseling or does it mean that you might not want to be directly in my face talking today?

Back to the point of this message. I have found out through the grapevine that two couples that we are friends with are also going to marriage counseling. HMMMMMM, very interesting. How is it that 3 couples that know each other pretty well all start counseling at about the same time? Coincidence????? I think not!

My wife can tell me what ever she wants to but this is not coincidence. I can see it now. They are having lunch somewhere and one of them says that they are going to counseling and the others thinking, "Ughmmm, if they are going to counseling then surely we should be in counseling."

Then she says who is your counselor? They exchange information and the rest is history. I wonder if we get some group bulk rate. Maybe we could all go to counseling together and have group therapy. Now I would be open to that! That would be fun because at least one or both of the husbands are widely acknowledged to be bigger assholes than me. Outside of my house of course!

That's All I Got!
I'm Out!
44Black

Random Political Thoughts

So George Bush even thought that Sarah Palin was under qualified to be Vice-President. In the new book "Speech-less: Tales of a White House Survivor" by Matt Latimer, Bush is quoted as saying, "This woman is being put in a position she is not even remotely prepared for." He also is quoted as saying, "What is she, the governor of Guam?"

Bush was not even close to being my favorite President but he was funny and entertaining. I'd love to have a beer with him, he seems like a fun guy. We got him sober, imagine how fun it would have been had we got the partying George W. Bush. A partying Clinton, and then a partying Bush right after might have been too much for our country.

One thing is for sure, Former President George W. Bush is certainly someone who knows about people who are under qualified for jobs!

It's one thing to write our opinions and have a little fun at the expense of some of our leaders. It is another when these people are boldly disrespectful....especially to the President. I think U.S. Rep Joe Wilson should be kicked out of the House of Representatives. Calling President Obama a 'liar' is disrespectful on its' own, but doing it in front of a national audience during a speech, sends a signal that it is OK to disrespect this Black man, even if he is President of the United States.

Even former President Jimmy Carter agrees. "I think it's based on racism," Carter said at a town hall held at his presidential center in Atlanta. "There is an inherent feeling among many in this country that an African-American should not be president."

"Those kind of things are not just casual outcomes of a sincere debate on whether we should have a national program on health care," he said. "It's deeper than that."

“I think an overwhelming portion of the intensely demonstrated animosity toward President Barack Obama is based on the fact that he is a black man, that he is African-American," Carter said.
“Racism ... still exists and I think it has bubbled up to the surface because of a belief among many white people, not just in the south but around the country, that African-Americans are not qualified to lead this great country. It’s an abominable circumstance and grieves me and concerns me very deeply,” Carter told NBC News.

It troubles me also. At least finally some significant Whites are protesting the health care debate and whether or not it is a debate on race. It is clearly a debate on race.

The disrespect for the Presidency really troubles me. Even if you set race aside it is still an issue. President Nixon disrespected the office with his actions as did President Clinton. Someone even threw shoes at President Bush, a symbol of disrespect in that culture. What happened to that guy anyway? We never heard anything else about that guy. They might have shot him.

Joe Wilson is a punk!

That's All I Got!
I'm Out!
44Black

Couseling Continues

OK, we had our 3rd marriage counseling session today. It was a constructive session until the end when my wife went too far. She told the counselor that I have a blog and that I blog about our counseling.

I thought to myself, "Come on woman is there anything that is sacred?"

Apparently not, so I had to give him the blog site. It's like your pastor finding out that you have a subscription to Playboy. Or better yet like your mom finding beer bottles in your bottom drawer as a senior in high school.

That's All I Got!
I'm Out!
44Black

There is nothing better when a guy goes down at the top of his game and people question if he can come back and be the man he was. It gives him the opportunity to find out what he is made of.

Tom Brady led his team to a comeback win over the Bills last night and He did it in the pre-injury Tom Brady fashion. I know it is just one game but, I think he is back and he appreciates being back. In interviews, he has expressed his appreciation for being a part of the game and how no player including himself is bigger than the game. He has also expressed the need to earn the respect of his teammates so that they would allow him to lead them.

Refreshing, lessons for life.

That's All I Got!

I'm Out!

44Black

10 Minutes of Fun

If marriage counseling is not your idea does that mean you will be the one to get gut punched every time you walk in there? I think it does.

Last week our assignment was to list 15 things that we could do for the other person. I spent time on it then we did nothing with it????????

This week we are supposed to have fun together for 10 minutes a day. What can you do for fun in 10 minutes? Sex? Then what do you do for the other 7 minutes?

Fun takes time. I can't scratch my butt in 10 minutes.

Seriously, the counseling has been beneficial.

That's All I Got!
I'm Out!
44Black